Monday, March 29, 2010

The "Middle Wife"

I received this very funny, poignant email from my cousin. It made me laugh and want to cry for the sweetness of the story.

The 'Middle Wife' by an Anonymous
2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about
fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the
one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years
When I was a kid, I loved
show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them
get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet
turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I
never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it
in to school and talk about it, they're welcome.
Well, one day this little girl,
Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the
front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her
She holds up a snapshot of an
infant.. 'This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his
'First, Mom and Dad made him
as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach,
and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella
She's standing there with her
hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder
with me. The kids are watching her in amazement.
'Then, about two Saturdays ago, my
Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh,Oh,Oh, Oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back
and groans.. 'She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh!' (Now
this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and
'My Dad called the middle wife.
She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's
man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.' (Then Erica lies down
with her back against the wall.)
'And then, pop! My Mom
had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew
up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!' (This kid has her legs spread
with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too
'Then the middle wife starts
saying 'push, push,' and 'breathe, breathe.
They started counting, but never
even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered
in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom's play-center,
(placenta) so there must be a lot of
toys inside there. When he got
out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in
Then Erica stood up, took a big
theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I'm sure I applauded the loudest.. Ever
since then, when it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case
another ' Middle Wife' comes along.

p.s. This is a photo of my darling niece's little girl, who is now nine!

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